Character is Born in the Ordinary

Have you read a good biography, or taken time to listen to an elder in the family speak of their experiences over the years? I don’t mean one of those biographies whipped up by a ghost writer and publishing company for a famous star or a politician looking to immortalise themselves or make some extra cash. I mean, one of those journeys through someone’s life that provides you with a real picture of what shaped them and what made them the person they became, faults and all.

We tend to point to achievements and big moments as pivotal. As parents, we naturally all remember milestones. The first day of school. The first play. The first academic award or their graduation. These moments stand out because they are memorable and worthy of celebration.

Yet if we pause for a moment, we realise that these are only snapshots. They do not create character, they often reveal it. Character is rarely forged on the stage or in the limelight. It is quietly shaped in the ordinary moments that nobody applauds.

We talk much of character, but it can seem like a nebulous, abstract concept.

Contrary to what social media enthusiasts and influencers would have us think, most of our lives are full of mundane, unspectacular moments, and we are presented with dozens of seemingly insignificant choices.

Students choose whether to:

greet their teacher respectfully
include someone sitting alone
complete homework honestly
admit a mistake
return borrowed equipment
keep their phone in their locker
keep trying when work becomes difficult
speak kindly when no adult is listening

None of these moments attracts applause, yet together these actions become habits, and those habits become character.

Many of you may have had the opportunity to visit or drive past magnificent buildings. One of my favourites is the Guildford Grammar School Chapel. Like many historic buildings, its construction is a thing of wonder. When we look at a building like this chapel or a cathedral, no one admires it because of a single brick. A master mason lays one brick after another. Perfectly. Patiently. After many years, people admire the finished building.

Character develops in much the same way. Every ordinary decision lays another brick.

One day, people describe someone as trustworthy, compassionate, resilient, or humble – but those qualities do not develop overnight.

So, what is the role of the school?

We certainly pursue academic excellence and celebrate achievement. Equally important, though, are the countless opportunities each day for students to practise becoming good people. Sometimes that means learning to apologise and accept consequences. It is having opportunities to persevere, to show gratitude and to serve others. It is trying again after failure.

As parents, you see many of the ‘ordinary’ things that reflect the behaviours you want to see in your children. Taking time to praise honesty over perfection, perseverance over talent, kindness over popularity, and responsibility over convenience can help reinforce this goal and help them become people who value what is consistently modelled.

I cannot pass up the opportunity to link this back to our Anglican tradition. Throughout Scripture, we see that faithfulness is most often demonstrated not in the extraordinary acts but in everyday obedience. Small acts of kindness, integrity and service reflect God’s character. In Luke 16:10 Jesus says, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much…”

As we approach the second semester, there will be many moments to celebrate. However, let us try to keep focus on the small, unheralded decisions our children make. The ordinary choices that cumulatively build their character.